Bad Matchmaking Thread

Game placed me Archon II after my third game since the system had been added, 28 total games lifetime. I am getting annihilated every game and basically griefing my team because this is obviously and objectively not the correct place to put a new player with low per-match performance. It is taking a horribly long time for my rank to correct itself.

EDIT to add example: 48175276
 
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Bebop, with only movement items, did more damage than I did with damage items and bombs. He would throw them and run away, and I couldn't catch up with him.
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The skill gaps allowed by matchmaking are absolutely atrocious - why are some of these people on my team? How hard am I expected to carry?
 
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Feels like I was the only one doing anything this game. I had a 3 game win streak and suddenly Yoshi expects me to carry brainless clowns. Amazing Matchmaking as usual.
 
Detective developer, what went wrong here huh? Smurfs?
I had literal kids in the game, they barely know how to navigate with character.

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