Hero Concept: Heartburn

[NeonicPrimer]

Heartburn (Real name: Takeshi)
Heartburn is a high-risk high-reward melee hero who uses his shield and speed to get in close, and devastating melee strikes to rip apart enemy heroes. But if he's not careful, he'll be ripped apart due to his low health and resists compared to other heroes.

His gun would be something like a Chinese C96 clone, and he resembles Two Face from Batman with the ruined half of his face being covered in weird spirit goop and burn marks. He wears a Japanese army cap (maybe with some occult logo) and an old coat.

His voice lines would be extremely sharp, with a lot of shouting (Like Mirage shouting about the Djinn all the time, except worse). And his companion would be his umbrella which rests on his back. It would occasionally giggle and make noises, and have voice lines when using Ability 1. The Umbrella would be a contrast to Heartburn, being upbeat and silly and almost teasing in a way.

Lore:
Heartburn was an infantryman in the Japanese Army. He was part of a campaign fighting over an Astral Gate in China. During a firefight, he was hit with Alchemical Fire and had half his face burned off and embedded with spirit residue stuff. He was discharged and sent home, but he was seen as nothing more than a freak by his village. His own soulmate couldn't look at him, and ran away with another man.

Furious and depressed, Heartburn roamed for a few years and worked as a mercenary under various warlords in the pacific and south-east asia. His only companion was his umbrella, a Kasa Obake Yokai. When Heartburn learned of the upcoming ritual and patrons, he made his way to the cursed apple as fast as he could. Even if it means summoning the patrons, Heartburn will do anything to get his face and his partner back.

I am entirely aware of how edgy and cringe this sounds.

Ability 1 - Yokai Shield:

• Heartburn uses his umbrella as a shield. The shield deflects all bullets into random directions, with a 5% chance to be fired back at the enemy. 30 second cooldown.
• Heartburn can cancel this ability at any time. Heartburn can be flanked from the sides as the the shield only covers his front. Heartburn is unable to use his gun, he can only melee while the shield is active.
• Upgrade 1: - 10 second Cooldown reduction
• Upgrade 2: + 20% Move Speed Bonus while active
• Upgrade 3: +15% chance to fire bullets back at the enemy.

Ability 2 - Strike:

• Heartburn sacrifices some of his health to leap at an enemy and rabidly tear at them (basically a slightly different Calico pounce ability).
• The ability counts as a Melee, and it can be parried or dodged if you have really good timing.
• Upgrade 1: + 1 charge
• Upgrade 2: + 80 damage
• Upgrade 3: + 3m cast range

Ability 3 - Eye See You:

• Passive ability. Builds up with sustained gun damage. Once built, the target hero will be outlined and visible through walls for a short period.
• Only one hero can be affected at a time. Has a 15 second cooldown once an enemy is affected.
• Visual effect where his eye would flash once the ability procs.
• Upgrade 1: + 2 second duration on glow
• Upgrade 2: Lifesteal on affected targets.
• Upgrade 3: Either a slowdown effect or a melee vulnerability effect

Ultimate:

• I don't know what his ult would be, but I'm imagining something that could be used as an "all-or-nothing" charge like Yamato or Warden's ultimates.

Bad image I drew

 

[SingularityMaw]

Melee-focused character on the more vulnerable side? Closes to this at the moment is Yamato, but she herself has some more mid-range abilities (Power Slash, Crimson Slash) and alt-fire, so she's not quite this specialized.

Onto the actual abilities, the 2 and 3 seem low-powered at base while the 1 makes him both surprisingly predictable and not that threatening. Have you considered Umbrella Shield giving an additional property to your melees, like just damage or a debuff? Maybe he can still shoot, but the Umbrella messes with the bullet's trajectory?

An ultimate ability for this hero? Maybe the Umbrella becomes massive and you swing it, or it stops the "rain" above you for a big teamwide boost/weaken. Man, it's actually kind of hard to make a spell for someone else's concept.

 

[NeonicPrimer]

Melee-focused character on the more vulnerable side? Closes to this at the moment is Yamato, but she herself has some more mid-range abilities (Power Slash, Crimson Slash) and alt-fire, so she's not quite this specialized.

Onto the actual abilities, the 2 and 3 seem low-powered at base while the 1 makes him both surprisingly predictable and not that threatening. Have you considered Umbrella Shield giving an additional property to your melees, like just damage or a debuff? Maybe he can still shoot, but the Umbrella messes with the bullet's trajectory?

An ultimate ability for this hero? Maybe the Umbrella becomes massive and you swing it, or it stops the "rain" above you for a big teamwide boost/weaken. Man, it's actually kind of hard to make a spell for someone else's concept.

Thanks for the like and feedback!

Yeah I wanted something really specialized with Melee, and part of this was inspired from when I played a fair bit of Yamato as well as some fun I had with Calico's pounce.

With the abilities, you do bring up some good points. I disabled shooting on 1 as I feel it could be REALLY annoying to fight at the start of a match on outside lanes. I love your suggestion of hitting someone with it giving a debuff, and I'm kicking myself for not thinking of that as it encourages more melee, and using the umbrella shield to push in.

2 and 3 are probably underpowered, we probably won't know unless Valve actually adds this (even if it's a 0.0001% chance). I think I'm ok with the 2 being underpowered at base, due to how abusable it could be in lanes.

Swinging the umbrella could be a cool idea for an ult, maybe like the Arbiter Rage from Halo Wars where with each swing you dash forward. The reason I didn't add that is the umbrella is sentient due to it being a Yokai, and you wouldn't want to take your only friend and use them as a club to beat someone with (as funny as it sounds).

 

[SingularityMaw]

2 being underpowered at base

There is a precedent for that in the game, so that is fine, but you would still need to give a lot of power on the upgrades. An ability that stays weak the whole game only really helps the opponent, yeah? Also I think it could have too much counter-play with both parry and dashing out, so I'd look into that.

he reason I didn't add that is the umbrella is sentient due to it being a Yokai, and you wouldn't want to take your only friend and use them as a club to beat someone with (as funny as it sounds).

That is kind of what I meant when I said it was surprisingly difficult to make an ability for someone else's concept, since the idea you have in mind for the character is simply so much clearer than mine. If it helps you decide on an Ultimate, just think if this hero should feel more comfortable in 1v1s to 3v3s or full teamfights, and then design it with that in mind, Yamato being the first one for reference.